“I need eight hours of a sleep a day…. and about twelve at night.”
– Bill Hicks
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For a look back at the year that was, I can’t help but begin with a comparison to the year before that. 2023 was peak coming-back-into-the-world for me, standup-wise. I wasn’t grinding, the variety of clubs I performed at could hardly be called a variety, yet I still earned a substantial amount of money doing it. Certainly not as much as a professional comic and not enough to live on, just by itself, but as a professional hobby for someone living off a part-time gig as a game show host and also as a Swedish welfare moocher? It really helped to keep my head above water.

I started a full-time job in February 2024 and I felt like I all but stopped performing at that point, so I was surprised to find that, while my comedy income (in both senses of that term) did fall off dramatically over the year, my total wasn’t a big drop from 2023, mostly due to a lucrative first few months. I imagine, though, that 2025 will be significantly less.

Why am I starting with a talk about money, when I am someone who openly hates money matters? (Looking at my 2024 invoices this morning, I was embarrassed but not surprised by my sloppy bookkeeping.) Two reasons. One, to get it out of the way. Two, because, like the job as a game show host, which I continue to do, now that I have a full-time job and could easily live without the money from other sources, I enjoy them more.

It’s a reason I’ve never particularly wanted to pursue a life as a professional comic. Don’t get me wrong, if people would be willing to pay me a substantial and consistent amount of money to hear me talk about my penis, that would be pretty sweet. Even starting as a comic in my thirties, though, and with a family, that was no time to live month to month, gig to gig, and certainly not now when I’m fifty. I also don’t think standup should be a job. Jobs are jobs, fun is fun.

I think the biggest highlight of the year was being invited for two gigs I hadn’t asked for. GASTA up in Gävle is a fun, popular place for comics to chase, and opportunities are limited. I’d been a number of times, but the well dried up at some point, and eventually I quit chasing them. It was a nice surprise, then, to suddenly get asked to host a show there, which I hadn’t done there before, and also get paid for it, which was also a first. It was nice to be back after many, many years, and hopefully it won’t be as long again for the next offer.

The other was also a hosting gig, this time for an all-English show at the Västerås Comedy Festival, up and running for the first time after a hiatus. I performed at the debut festival there years ago and a few others as well. I’ve never had a bad time in that city and I’m always happy to go back. I attribute the gig offer to the club owner knowing me for many years, knowing that I am a very good host, and possibly (probably) because Jonathan Rollins wasn’t available, but I never look a gift horse in the mouth!

Towards the end of the year, I reflected here on my frustration about feeling a bit in limbo as far as performing goes. Not only was the list of venues available to me limited, I was going less and less. It was just as hard to see myself resuming the grind as it was quitting altogether. At this point, however, just as I’ve come to peace with being an angry old coot, I’m a peace with my current status.

Which is not to say that I want to keep things as they are. While I have been glad to focus on my job and crawling out of debt, I don’t want to make money my one and only priority. I’ve said for years that all I really wanted was a steady job I don’t have to care about. When I worked for Nintendo, my professional and personal life merged, making that a dream gig. Now, though, I’m far beyond the likelihood of finding a job that ignites my passion. I’m passionate about standup, I just need a boring 9-5 to live on.

Well, I finally got that job! To say I don’t care at all about it wouldn’t be accurate; I mean, I’m still trying to do my absolute best and I can’t help but voice my opinion about possible ways to improve the office, but I don’t have grand ambitions of advancement. In fact, I change to a shirt and tie at work, because I don’t want to bring anything home, not even clothes. At work I’m at work, when I’m off the clock I’m checked out in every way.

However, while this job is supposed to give me the opportunity to perform more often, to pursue my supposed passion for standup, it’s instead put a chokehold on me. Nights I have off I’m too happy to be home, rather than schlepp my way into Stockholm for a spot I may or may not get. I love being on stage, it’s just all the bullshit around it that makes it even less attractive to chase after.

I do intend to get out there more. I’d thought of taking all of January off, especially since observing Dry January makes it even less fun to be in a club, but I got myself a spot next weekend. Just have to find a balance between working and performing. Oh, and seeing my family.

Working at an airport, watching all the travelers come and go, I can’t help but see it as a metaphor of my life as a comic. Being mean to myself, I see that I stay right where I am and watch others leave me behind, soaring to heights I’ll never reach. To be fair, though, and to really stretch this metaphor beyond the breaking point, most of my fellow travelers never get off the ground, just wait for flights that are perpetually delayed or outright cancelled, until they eventually quit in frustration and never come back. Those few that do take off, most of them do a quick loop and end up right back at the same airport as me, to resume waiting for the next flight. And yes, there are those who crash and burn.